


Choices

by puppybusby



Series: Snapshots [6]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F, Found Family, Grinding, Groping, Kinda, Making Out, Masturbation, Mild Sexual Content, Voyeurism, but it be heating up, technically, there's also some actual plot stuff i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:40:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppybusby/pseuds/puppybusby
Summary: She felt Ava's hands move again, finding their way onto Beatrice's waist once more."I want to see you." Beatrice said. She pressed her fingers against Ava's stomach. "Can I?""Yes."
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Series: Snapshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090595
Comments: 46
Kudos: 241





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i know i said this series was on hiatus but... i had a thought so here we are  
> also pls peep the rating change

Beatrice didn't really do angry. 

Ava had only ever seen her snap once and when that happened, Beatrice had looked as surprised as Ava had felt. 

But frustrated? Yeah, Ava had seen Beatrice frustrated a handful of times. 

She was frustrated now, that was as clear as day as she paced the living room. 

"You should have told us." Beatrice said. 

"What difference would it have made?" Mary asked. "No seriously, I want to know." 

Ava looked to Beatrice and saw the slightest twitch in her jaw. 

"It's not about that." 

"Look, as far as I'm concerned, if I'd have told you then it would have ruined the day you were having." Mary shot a brief glance in Ava's direction. "Considering what we're going to be heading into, I think you guys deserved to have that." 

Beatrice stilled and fell silent. 

It was touching, in its own way, how Mary and the others were thinking of them. 

But Ava could see where Beatrice's frustration was coming from. 

She didn't like being kept in the dark. 

And if Ava knew her girlfriend, she was wondering if there was maybe some guilt or other negative feelings bubbling under the surface right now. 

That maybe, Beatrice felt as though they had gotten in the way of the big picture. 

Ava thought back to when they had been getting ready to leave the cottage and the anxiety she had felt, everything Beatrice had done to help her. 

Time to help her girl. 

She got up off of the sofa and reached out to brush her fingers against the back of Beatrice's hand. 

"Bea?" 

The muscle in her jaw relaxed, even if she didn't look at her. 

"Come on." Ava said gently. She moved her fingers to try and slip them into Beatrice's hand and gave a soft squeeze when Beatrice curled her hand around Ava's. 

"I-" Beatrice sighed. "Okay." 

Ava glanced at the others. "We'll be back in a bit?" 

Mary actually looked thankful. 

"Upstairs or outside?" Ava asked. 

Beatrice angled her head towards the stairs. 

Without sparing the others a second glance, Ava tugged on Beatrice's hand and led her out of the living room. 

When they got into their room, Ava dropped Beatrice's hand to turn and close the door. 

As soon as her back was turned, Ava felt Beatrice's arms circle her chest, the force of her barrelling into Ava trapped her between the door and her girlfriend. 

Beatrice's face pressed into the back of her neck. 

"Bea?" 

"I just… I need a minute." 

Ava manage to snake her hands up to wiggle her fingers between Beatrice's and rested her forehead against the door. 

"Take your time." 

For a few minutes they just stood there, breathing in tandem as Beatrice held her. 

When Beatrice finally stepped back, Ava missed the warmth immediately. 

"I'm sorry." 

Ava turned as Beatrice walked further into the room. 

"What for?" 

"Getting frustrated." 

"You're allowed to be frustrated Bea, I get it." Ava pushed away from the door to follow. "And I get it, you don't like being kept in the dark." 

"I know Mary is right." Beatrice admitted, finally turning back to Ava as she reached the bed. "It wasn't as though we could pack everything up and leave but…" 

"You feel excluded." 

"Yes." Beatrice sat down with a quiet sigh. "I've always been the one to plan. That was what made me valuable." 

"You're so much more than that Bea." Ava said, moving to kneel before Beatrice. "And I'm not just talking about the fact that you're a Latin reading, multilingual badass who can probably kill a man ten different ways with just your thumb." 

That earned Ava a faint smile. 

"But what I'm trying to say Bea," Ava reached for one of her hands and linked their fingers together. "Your value to the order, to God, to us, even yourself? That doesn't come from how many skills you bring to the table." 

Ava brought her other hand up and pressed it to Beatrice's heart and kept her eyes focused on the girl before her. 

She took in the imploring gaze, the quiet doubt that lingered deep beneath the surface. 

The fondness that was ever present and seemed to grow each day. 

"It comes from what's in here." Ava continued softly. "Your heart. Your endless capacity to love, your loyalty and devotion to who you care about? That's what makes you valuable." 

Beatrice blinked a few times and glanced away quickly, taking a moment to try and steady herself. 

"I just…" Beatrice took a deep breath as she found Ava's gaze again. "I don't know who I am outside of this, outside of being a nun. A sister warrior. If I'm not those things then they would have no reason to keep me around." 

Ava felt as though the conversation had shifted into something else. 

"Why wouldn't they want to keep you around?" Ava asked softly. When Beatrice didn't answer she linked their hands together. "Bea?" 

Beatrice looked so conflicted as she stared at Ava, the hints of tears clinging to the corners of her eyelids. 

"Bea?" Ava said again, she was trying hard to not let the anxiety she could feel bubbling in her chest slip through. 

Eventually, Beatrice sighed again and eased one of her hands free to reach out and cup Ava's cheek. 

"Oh Ava," She breathed. The fondness in her eyes was in full force as she regarded her. "This wasn't how I planned on having this conversation with you." 

Ava didn't have to say anything, she knew that her confusion showed clearly in her face. 

"It's still something I'm trying to figure out how to explain." Beatrice said. "But to put it simply, it may be time I consider my path, the vows I took." 

Oh. 

"You want to revoke them?" Ava guessed. 

She understood Beatrice's fear now. 

"I think so." Beatrice replied. "But I need to make sure that I know my thoughts on the matter, that if I do follow that path, I'm doing it for the right reasons." 

"That's what I want for you too." Ava replied. "If that's what you want to do, then I want you to do it for yourself." 

She didn't want Beatrice to do anything that she may regret. 

"As much as our relationship has… Has helped me reevaluate, I ultimately need to do it for myself." Beatrice said, echoing Ava's words as she nodded. 

As she reached up to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes, Ava couldn't help but feel so much pride at how Beatrice was putting her own needs first.

"Good, I would never want you to revoke them unless you wanted to, and definitely not to do it for me." Ava said. "I've already told you, I don't need all the other stuff, so long as we have this? As long as you're in my life? I'm happy." 

"And that means more to me than I can put into words." Beatrice replied softly. "The choice we made to be together? I can never regret this. Every day I find myself wanting a future, a future for us both. A future together." 

It was less than two months ago when Beatrice would get quiet and wistful whenever anything relating to the future was mentioned, the girl who had been through so much and wouldn't look to far ahead because of the life she led. 

And now that same girl sat in front of her, openly declaring that she wanted a future. 

The pride and love Ava felt only grew. 

"We determine our own futures,"Ava said. "I still stand by that."

Beatrice stroked her thumb along Ava's cheek. "I know you do." 

For a moment Ava was just content to kneel there, looking up in reverence at the beautiful, brilliant girl before her as light filtered in through the windows behind her. 

She was the shrine in which Ava would worship and she felt blessed for even being able to see Beatrice. 

To really see her, to know every feeling, every thought, to be able to experience Beatrice in her entirety. 

"Thank you for bringing me up here, Ava." Beatrice said after a few moments. "I needed to say all of that." 

"Do you feel better for it?" 

"Yes. My vows are a conversation for another day, Ava." Beatrice said. "I need to make sure I know my own thoughts on the matter, to talk with Lilith perhaps, but until then know that I won't keep you out of the loop"

Ava nodded. "And about today?" 

Beatrice smiled. "My frustrations came from fear, fear of being alone. I see that now. But not guilt at what we did. I couldn't feel guilty for that." 

Ava rose up her feet, Beatrice's hand dropped from her cheek as she looked up at Ava. 

Ava took Beatrice's face in both hands. 

"Do you remember what you said to me, at the Vatican?" Ava asked. 

Beatrice didn't hesitate. "Trust in your team." 

"Exactly." Ava replied. "We're your team, your family." 

She tipped Beatrice's head forward and watched Beatrice's eyes fall closed. 

Ava leaned down and pressed her lips to Beatrice's forehead. 

When she ended the kiss, Ava moved to press their foreheads together. 

"I'm your family, so trust me when I say you'll never be alone." She whispered. 

Beatrice curled her fingers into Ava's shirt and tugged her down into a kiss. 

"I trust you, Ava." Beatrice whispered against her lips. "I trust you." 

\--

"So on a scale of one to ten. How likely is it that Beatrice is going to kill me?" Mary asked, looking towards the stairs. 

Lilith glanced at her nails, Ava had taken Beatrice away almost ten minutes ago and currently they showed no sign of returning. 

"Depends." Lilith drawled. "Usually I would say a solid seven or eight. But now that Ava is in the picture? Two." 

Beatrice wasn't exactly the type to outwardly choose the violent option, she was more likely to channel it into sparring. 

But now it would seem she was learning to talk about her feelings, that Ava was there to see what was going on in her head and help ease those troubles. 

Lilith glanced at Camila. 

She wondered how they did it. 

"I like those odds." Mary replied. "Here's hoping that Ava can distract her enough." 

\--

"So the earliest I could get us on the ferry is in four days. I booked it and got the confirmation last night." Mary explained. 

They were all gathered around the kitchen table, a map of the country that Mary had found in the glove compartment of the van spread out in front of them. 

She pointed to a spot on the bottom of the map. 

"This is where we need to get to." Mary said. She moved her hand to point to a spot much further north. "And this is where we are." 

"Holy shit." Ava said. 

Beatrice looked up and caught Ava's gaze. 

"Sorry." Ava smiled sheepishly. 

"So we have some time to play with." Beatrice said. 

Mary offered a smile from across the table. 

Beatrice was glad that Ava had taken the time to talk to her, to help her find the root of her frustration. 

She knew that Mary's choice had come from a place of love. That was what she had to remember. 

"So couple of options," Mary continued. "We can either leave the day after tomorrow and have a slow drive down or hold fire and just do it in one go."

"How far is it?" Ava asked. 

"Coming up to seven hundred miles, depending on routes, diversions and such." 

Camila typed away on her phone for a few moments. "Google maps saying it's about a twelve hour drive." 

Beatrice considered this for a few moments. 

Twelve hours isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. Split evenly between herself, Mary, Lilith and Camila it shouldn't be too difficult. 

But… To leave it so late, what if they ran into difficulties? 

"Day after tomorrow may be a safer bet." Beatrice said. 

"Agreed." Ava chimed in. "What if your murder van breaks down? It'd be better to get there a day early and just hang around right?" 

Beatrice smiled. 

Ava was taking things so seriously now. Sure, she was still learning, but Beatrice was beginning to see the makings of a leader. 

"That's a fair call." Lilith said. "It means we will either need to find a hotel or such to stay in."

"Worst case scenario, we can sleep in the van." Camila said. 

Mary looked from Beatrice to Ava. "We'll try to avoid that if we can help it." 

Ava ducked her head in a weak attempt to hide her grin. 

Beatrice could already hear Ava making a comment later on about being surrounded by their friends cutting into valuable cuddle time. 

"Oh." Ava looked up, a somewhat hopeful expression on her face as she looked to them all. "If we're taking the easy drive, does that mean we'd have more time for like, sight seeing?" 

She may be a leader in the making, but this was the Ava that Beatrice had fallen for. Bright, full of excitement and trying to turn everything into an adventure. 

"I'm sure we could work some things out." Mary said. "Who knows when we'll get to come back." 

"Just… No London." Ava said seriously. 

Beatrice stared. 

"You want to go sightseeing but avoid the the capitol?" 

"Yeah." 

Ava didn't elaborate, she didn't have to. 

Beatrice knew she wanted to stay away from London because of Beatrice's family. She knew that Ava didn't want to bring Ava somewhere that Beatrice wasn't ready to go to yet.

This girl… 

She truly was something else. 

"Fine by me. Traffic is a nightmare." Lilith said. "Plus, cameras everywhere." 

"Sure, whatever, am I good to plan a route?" Mary asked. "I'll figure out where the best places to stay and try to book in advance." 

Everybody nodded in turn. 

"Cool. Anything else?" 

Nobody spoke up and Mary nodded as she closed the map and tucked it under her arm. 

"Great, I'll leave Superion a message and let her know the plan." 

That was it then. 

It was time to get ready to say goodbye to the loch. 

\--

"Ava?" Beatrice spoke gently. "Are you awake?" 

Beatrice's voice cut through the silence and drew Ava from the sleep she had been drifting into. 

Ava opened her eyes. "Yeah, what's up?" 

She turned over in Beatrice's arms. 

"Thank you." 

Ava's brain was blank, the haze of sleep still clinging heavily. "What for?" 

"Back when we were planning the trip." 

Oh. 

London. 

"You don't need to thank me." 

Beatrice gently brushed the hair from Ava's face and kissed her sweetly. 

"Maybe not, but I am anyway. I really do appreciate it." 

And as Beatrice kissed her again, letting the time pass around them as Ava melted into it, Ava could feel that thanks. 

"And one day," Beatrice whispered. "I'll take you to London. I promise." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yes." Another kiss. "I'll take you anywhere and everywhere you want to go." 

Ava closed her eyes and rested her head against Beatrice's shoulder. 

"I'd like that." 

She felt Beatrice wrap her arms around her once more, and once Ava was tucked into the safety of her embrace, Ava drifted easily into sleep. 

\--

"Are you going to miss this?" Lilith asked. 

She looked over at Ava, who was stretching as she looked out at the Loch. 

Ava had barely broken a sweat. 

"The running? Or this?" Ava grinned as she tilted her head towards Lilith. "I'm kidding. I'll actually miss both." 

"I admit, that's a surprise." 

"I know I gave some resistance at the start but it's been good." Ava said. She dropped to the ground. "I feel stronger." 

"You are stronger." Lilith said sincerely, moving to sit beside her. "Comparing the first day to now? Your progress has been incredible." 

Ava laughed. "Honestly I peaked when me and Bea beat you." 

Lilith couldn't even feel mad about the memory. They had worked so hard and so well together, it truly had been deserved. 

"You two work well together." 

The way Ava smiled as she thought about Beatrice seemed to make everything about her brighten up. 

She looked so happy. 

She looked so in love. 

"What's it like?" Lilith asked. 

Ava looked at her curiously. "What?" 

"Being in love."

Ava looked genuinely surprised and averted her gaze quickly, looking back out towards the water. 

"I… Okay so just so you know, I haven't-  _ we _ haven't used that word yet and I've kinda built it up in my head that when I do say it, it's going to be to Beatrice who hears it first." 

"That's… Fair." 

Ava crossed her legs and leaned forward slightly, resting her hands on her knees as she stared thoughtfully out towards the water. 

"It's not like in the movies." Ava said. "It wasn't like I saw her and knew instantly, you know? I mean technically our first meeting was when she jabbed me in the neck." 

"And then when you exploded us both across the room." Lilith pointed out. 

Ava's lip quirked into a smile. "That too. But Bea was the first person to not… Actively be hostile towards me, and in a moment where I was hurting a lot, comforted me. She sought me out and she… She believed me." 

Ava looked a little wistful as her thoughts drifted to whatever had happened between them when they had first met.

"There was this moment…" Ava continued after a brief pause. "It was just the two of us, and Bea was trying to make me feel better, made a joke and then she opened up and it just felt significant. And as vague as it was, it felt as though she was telling me something that she hadn't shared with many people before." 

Considering how close Beatrice kept a lot of her life to her chest, Lilith had to agree with Ava's assessment of it being a significant moment, even if she had no context for what was discussed. 

"That was where it started I think, for both of us. There was just this understanding there? This ease to talk and see behind the shadows." 

Ava stretched her legs out and turned her head to Lilith. 

"I'm not going to bore you with the step by step of our story, that's not what you asked. But that feeling? It's not something you fall into by accident, it's a choice. When I look at Bea I see a girl that makes everything feel a little bit more right. I see someone that I want to know and understand. I want to keep building on what we already have because she makes me happy. She makes me feel safe, she makes every day feel a little brighter."

Even without saying the specific word, the love that Ava felt rang true the more that she spoke. 

"I made my choice." Ava said. "And I chose Beatrice, it doesn't matter in what capacity, as long as I'm with her, then I'm happy." 

It wasn't fairytale, and despite the jokes they all made, it wasn't hallmark. 

The love that had been growing between Ava and Beatrice was so much more than that. 

It was both fascinating and terrifying. 

"What made you ask?" Ava asked softly. "Usually when it comes to me and Bea you're the first to call us sickening." 

Lilith should have expected Ava to ask, but it still threw her off guard entirely. 

There was still so much that she didn't understand, but Ava's candidness had been insightful. 

"I suppose I just wonder if that is something that is in the cards for me." 

"Like I said. It's a choice." 

Choice. 

When Lilith had joined the order, it had been out of tradition, out of an obligation to her family. 

She was supposed to continue the legacy or halo bearers. 

But now that Ava was here, that was no longer needed. Lilith was free to make her own choices now, to follow her own path. 

Lilith had never officially revoked her vows, truthfully with everything that had happened since her journey to the other side there hadn't really been a chance to do so. 

She should consider talking to Beatrice, one day. 

"Thank you Ava." 

"Oh, sure thing." 

There was a curiosity behind Ava's eyes, a question as to what brought upon this whole conversation, but she didn't ask. Lilith suspected that Ava knew that Lilith would come back to her when she was ready. 

Ava's stomach rumbled suddenly, effectively breaking the moment between them. 

Lilith almost laughed. 

"Go, you should head up and get some food." 

Ava hummed and got to her feet, when Lilith didn't get up, she frowned. 

"Are you coming?" 

Lilith shook her head. "You go on ahead, I'll catch up. I just need a few minutes."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah." 

Ava nodded and before she turned to walk away, she paused to give Lilith's shoulder a brief squeeze. 

"You know where I am if you need me."

As Ava began to walk away, Lilith's thoughts quickly drifted back to the start of their conversation, one more question formed in her mind. 

"Ava?" Lilith called and turned towards Ava's retreating form. 

Ava stopped and turned to face her. 

"Hm?" 

"Why haven't you told her yet?" Lilith asked. "Are you just waiting for some perfect dramatic moment?" 

"Quite the opposite, actually." Ava laughed, bright and happy and threw her arms out. "I want something perfectly mundane." 

Ava would probably always be somewhat of an enigma to Lilith, not that she minded. 

She was just glad to have her in their lives. 

But now Lilith found that she had a lot to think about. 

And a lot of choices to make. 

\--

Usually, when they were lounging around downstairs, Ava's legs or head would inevitably find their way into Beatrice's lap. 

This time, when they had settled onto the sofa together, Ava drew Beatrice's legs across hers and had been rubbing one hand along Beatrice's calf ever since. 

With most of their belongings packed, the looming deadline of their departure felt closer than ever. 

Ava didn't seem nearly as anxious about leaving as she had the last time. If anything she almost seemed excited. 

Although Beatrice couldn't deny the hesitation they all felt at returning, she suspected the reality wouldn't truly settle in until they arrived in Callais. 

"Hey you guys." Mary called, stepping into living room as she pulled her jacket on. 

Both Ava and Beatrice craned their necks to look at her over the back of the sofa. 

In the hallway Beatrice could see Camila and Lilith, both putting jackets on. 

"We're going to go for a walk, you wanna come or are you staying put?" 

Beatrice took a long look at Ava and saw her own question reflected back at her. 

There was a good chance that after tomorrow, the amount of time Beatrice had alone with Ava would be much less frequent. 

As Ava pressed her fingers slightly harder into Beatrice's leg, she knew they were on the same page. 

"I think we'll stay here. If that's okay." 

A few months ago, Beatrice would have thought herself selfish. 

Not anymore. 

Not when it came to her and Ava. 

It was clear from the look on Mary's face that she knew what their intentions were, but instead of commenting on it, she merely gave a quiet snort. 

"No problem. We'll be gone a couple of hours."

With some brief parting goodbyes, it was only a few moments before Beatrice found herself alone with Ava once more. 

Truly alone, this time. 

She watched Ava grin at her. 

"So." She began, her voice taking on a very noticeable teasing lilt. "Did you have anything specific in mind?" 

Beatrice shifted, moving her legs off of Ava's lap. 

"A couple of things, you?" 

"Oh I thought we could braid each others hair, paint our nails-" Ava broke off suddenly to laugh, Beatrice merely raised an eyebrow. "I'm kidding, obviously." 

She reached for Beatrice's wrist, her eyes still bright but her expression was much more serious. 

"Definitely none of those things." Ava said. "I'll follow your lead." 

That was all Beatrice needed to hear to have her moving across the sofa, swinging a leg over Ava to settle down in her lap. 

Ava grinned up at her as Beatrice took her face in her hands. 

"Is this our thing now?" 

"As much as I enjoy trading terrible puns with you, this is much more interesting, isn't it?" Beatrice asked. 

Ava waited until Beatrice was leaning in, their lips barely brushing before she answered. 

"Definitely." Ava whispered. 

Beatrice kissed her, sliding her hands into Ava's hair and angling her face up. 

Ava's hands came to settle on her waist as she hummed happily into the kiss. 

It was all too easy to slide her tongue into Ava's mouth, to feel Ava melt against her. 

Her hands moved down to Ava's shoulders as Beatrice broke the kiss to pay some attention to Ava's neck. 

By now, she'd mostly figured out how to spend so much time on Ava's neck without covering her in hickeys. 

Even if they both kind of liked the evidence of their time together. 

Beatrice hooked a finger under Ava's sweater and pulled it to the side to give her access to her shoulder. 

No harm in a couple of hickeys that were easily hidden, was there? 

Besides, it was always worth it to hear the quiet sounds of enjoyment from her girlfriend. 

But there could be more. 

She thought back to the other night, to what she had left Ava do, how good it had all felt. 

To what Ava had said. 

With one more brief bite to Ava's shoulder that she soothed over with a press of her tongue, Beatrice drew back to meet her gaze. 

"Ava." 

"Hm?" 

"The other night, you said that when I was ready…" Beatrice trailed off. 

Ava understood immediately, her fingers digging into Beatrice's hips as she nodded. 

"Does the offer still stand?" 

"Yeah, yes. Definitely." 

Beatrice pulled gently at the collar of Ava's sweater. 

"Are you wearing a shirt under this?" 

"Uh… Yeah." 

"Can I take this off?" 

Ava swallowed and nodded. 

As Beatrice slid her hands down Ava's sides and curled her fingers around the bottom of the sweater, Ava stared at her before raising her arms. 

The material slid smoothly against Ava's body but as she moved up pull it off, Ava tilted her head back and got tangled in the sweater. 

Ava's laughter was muffled. "Bea!" 

"I'm sorry, you moved!" Beatrice laughed. 

She freed Ava from the sweater, setting it aside and reaching up to smooth the hair away from Ava's face. 

"There you are." Beatrice whispered. 

Ava's smile was blinding. "Hi." 

Beatrice let her fingers drift down to cradle her jaw. "Hi." 

Beatrice moved in to kiss her again, letting her fingers linger on Ava's face before trailing them down the expanse of Ava's throat. She drew back from the kiss to focus all of her attention on Ava's face as she brought her hands lower still. 

Beatrice didn't dare to look away as her hands moved to cover Ava's breasts. 

And okay, Beatrice wasn't blind.

She tried to be respectful but Ava was just… 

Well, Ava. 

So Beatrice had looked. She'd seen Ava in her fitted combat gear, the tight t-shirts. 

But to touch was an entirely different experience. 

Ava's assessment of her own experience the other night was accurate. 

They were so soft. 

Beatrice took a slow breath and let her eyes drift down. 

It almost didn't feel real but to see it? To see her own hands on Ava like this? 

It took the breath from her. 

"Bea," Ava said quietly. "Are you okay?" 

Beatrice tentatively spread her fingers out to cup Ava's breasts properly and when she heard Ava suck in a breath, Beatrice snapped her gaze back up meet Ava's. 

"I'm okay. Is this okay?" 

"More than." Ava smiled. 

"I'm not sure what to do now." Beatrice admitted. 

"Just do what feels right." Ava replied. "Just think about what we did the other night, you liked that right?" 

She did. 

So much. 

Beatrice nodded. 

"You have free reign Bea, do whatever you want." 

Whatever she wanted. 

Beatrice had to kiss Ava again. It was familiar, comforting. 

And just what she needed to help Beatrice ground herself enough to take this next step. 

She continued to kiss Ava as she slid her palms across, familiarising herself with the feeling, the weight of them in her hands, pressing her fingers harder into them and hearing Ava let out a quiet moan into her mouth. 

There was that heat again, burning low and steady in her stomach. 

Beatrice felt Ava's nipples harden through her shirt. 

_ Oh.  _

That heat increased tenfold. 

Beatrice drew back, even as Ava tried to follow the contact but stayed put as she looked up at Beatrice. 

"I want to see you." Beatrice said. 

She wanted to see every moment of Ava's reactions. 

Ava nodded earnestly, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. 

Beatrice adjusted her position to settle more comfortably on Ava's lap. She moved her thumbs and dragged them both over Ava's nipples. 

The effect was instant. Ava's teeth released her lip, head tipped back against the sofa as she moaned. 

Beatrice wanted to hear it again. 

She repeated the motion a few more times, each one drawing another quiet moan from Ava. 

When Beatrice tentatively brought her thumb and forefinger together to pinch one of Ava's nipples, she felt Ava jerk beneath her as her fingers dug into Beatrice's waist. 

Ava still had her eyes closed, a light flush spreading down her neck. 

How far did that flush go? 

Beatrice's eyes traced over the expanse of Ava's throat, the fluttering pulse beneath the skin. 

She ducked her head to press her lips to Ava's neck, right over that pulse. Ava shifted beneath her. 

"Oh my God, Bea." Ava managed to choke out. 

"Is this okay so far?" Beatrice asked. 

Beatrice slid her hands down Ava's ribs to the edge of her shirt as she kissed upwards, brushing her lips along Ava's jaw. 

She felt Ava try to nod. "Yeah." 

Beatrice's fingers dipped under Ava's shirt and as they came into contact with her stomach, Beatrice felt the muscles tense, felt Ava's grip on her tighten even more. 

She moved to draw her hands back. 

"Ava, I'm s-" 

Before she even had a chance to finish speaking, Ava's hands were dropping to cover hers over the shirt, lifting her head up to look at Beatrice. 

"Don't apologise. Your hands are cold, that's all." 

Her eyes were still hazy with pleasure, but heavy and intense as she stared at Beatrice. 

"Don't stop Bea. Whatever you're comfortable with, do it. This? Me? I'm yours to take." 

Ava's words went straight through Beatrice and she had to choke down on a moan of her own. 

How could Ava's words affect her so much?

Hers to take? 

It was so much. 

She felt Ava's hands move again, finding their way onto Beatrice's waist once more. 

"I want to see you." Beatrice said. She pressed her fingers against Ava's stomach. "Can I?" 

"Yes." 

Beatrice was slow as she moved her hands across Ava's body, pushing the shirt up with her as she continued her ascent. 

Ava was watching her with a burning intensity, still and patient as Beatrice took her time. 

She pushed the shirt over Ava's breasts, gaze drifting downwards to watch as she pushed it up to Ava's neck. 

Oh. 

Those were… definitely breasts. 

Beatrice couldn't put thoughts together. 

They were perfect. 

Her nipples were perfect and pink and oh… 

Every inch of Ava that was revealed to her was perfect. 

Beatrice brought her hands back down to cup them, watched her fingers press into the soft flesh. 

Every time she moved her hands, alternating between pressing her fingers in and brushing her thumbs across Ava's nipples. 

Ava's head fell back again as she closed her eyes, the sounds she made only encouraged Beatrice more, to continue her efforts. 

Beatrice definitely lost count of how long they spent like this, drawing out sounds and watching every reaction from Ava. 

The flush spread across her chest. 

Ava had been shifting beneath her for a few minutes, small jerking movements but it wasn't until Beatrice pinched her nipples again did Ava buck up into Beatrice, another drawn out moan filling the room. 

Beatrice had to close her own eyes at the sensation, of Ava's trying to arch up into her and the fleeting pressure that it brought. 

Oh. 

Oh that felt far too good. 

"Shit, Bea." Ava whispered. 

Beatrice leaned over to kiss her, Ava kissed back a little clumsily and when Beatrice pinched again, was met with Ava crying out into her mouth and biting down on Beatrice's bottom lip. 

Ava was still bucking up into her. 

Beatrice's curiosity got the best of her and pressed down, causing them to moan in unison. 

Every nerve was alight. 

Oh, this was arousal. 

Part of Beatrice wanted to ride this out, to see it through, to see what other sounds she could draw out. 

But… 

But not like this. 

Ava broke the kiss and drew back to look seriously at Beatrice. 

"Bea, we need to stop." She said through gasping breaths. "I'm too…" 

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a steadying breath. 

When she opened them again, they were a little clearer. 

"I'm too turned on, Bea. We need to slow this down." 

As always. Ava was on the same page as her. 

"Me too." Beatrice whispered. 

She took a moment to look at the girl beneath her once more, the slowly spreading smile, the flush across her skin. 

They were rapidly heading towards a point together, the destination was so clear. 

Not today. 

But soon. 

"One day…" Beatrice said quietly, swiping her thumbs across and letting them brush across hard nipples and watching as Ava struggled to stop her eyes falling closed. "One day I'm going to kiss these. They're so beautiful, they deserve to be worshiped." 

Ava's fingers twitched on her hips again as she closed her eyes at Beatrice's words. 

"Fuck. Not helping." 

Beatrice leaned in to kiss her, bringing her hands up to gently pull Ava's shirt down once more. 

"Language." 

No sooner had she gotten the shirt back into place did Ava slide her arms around her body, most definitely using the halo to lift Beatrice up as she got up from the sofa. 

It happened so fast, Beatrice didn't have a chance to grab onto Ava before she was being deposited on her back across the sofa. 

Ava settled on top of her, the light from the halo illuminating the room. 

"Has that been like that the whole time?" Beatrice asked. 

Ava lay down across her, leaning in to kiss her softly. 

"Yeah. It always does when it comes to you and me. To you." 

The heat from earlier still lingered, but as Ava continued to kiss her gently, reaching to link their hands together, it was easy for Beatrice to melt back into the sofa. 

Everything made sense when it came to Ava. Even the new and unfamiliar just felt right. 

And she wanted to keep doing this. To keep walking into the new and unfamiliar. 

"You gave me the promise of a future. I want that. I want this." Beatrice whispered. "I want this and so much more. I want you, Ava." 

Ava drew back to smile down at her. "You already have me." 

"I want all of you, one day." 

Ava brushed their noses together. 

"And you'll have that too. When the time is right, when we're both ready." Ava kissed her again. "I already told you, I'm yours to take." 

"And I'm yours." Beatrice replied. 

Ava grinned as she kissed Beatrice again before pulling back and tucking her cheek against Beatrice's chest. 

"I care about you so much, Beatrice." 

"I care about you too. You're wonderful, Ava." 

She knew Ava was smiling as her girlfriend nuzzled more comfortably against her. 

"Are we going to nap?" Ava asked. 

"It certainly looks that way." Beatrice slipped a hand into Ava's hair. "Are you comfortable enough?" 

"Yeah, you?" 

Beatrice closed her eyes. "Always." 

\--

"I admit, I am actually going to miss this." Mary said, pausing by the front door to wipe as much of the mud from her boots as possible. 

"We'll still try to have moments of fun and peace, right?" Camila asked. 

"Of course we will." Lilith said. "We need to hold onto these moments." 

Camila hid her smile.

Ava really was having a good effect on Lilith. 

"Exactly." Mary said as she unlocked the door. "No matter what happens." 

They all huddled inside. The house was silent as they took off their jackets and hung them up in the hallway. 

"I wonder what they got up to while we were gone." Lilith mused, though she quickly frowned. "Actually. No I don't." 

Mary laughed quietly as she walked into the living room and quickly stopped in place. 

"I wouldn't wonder too hard." She said quietly. 

Camila and Lilith shared a look as they moved into the room to join her. 

Beatrice and Ava were fast asleep on the sofa, Ava stretched out on top of Beatrice, face buried in Beatrice's neck. 

Camila didn't hesitate to pull out her phone to take a picture. 

"What?" She asked when Lilith raised an eyebrow at her. "They'll want to have these moments." 

Lilith rolled her eyes as she walked over to the other sofa and grabbed the blanket from it, stopping over the pair to drape it over them. 

"Come on." She said quietly. "Let them rest." 

Camila took one more photo, and along with Mary, followed Lilith towards the stairs. 

Tomorrow, they would say goodbye to this home. 

They wanted to enjoy the time they had while they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, you can find me [here](https://yashastrongarms.tumblr.com/)  
> Also i'm on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/RogueThirteen94)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO  
> funny story  
> i actually had a plan for this series and this?? This was not in it. But SHIT HAPPENS AND WE EMBRACE IT
> 
> also it's nearly 4am there will be many typos and i am sorry lol

Ava fiddled with her camera while Mary finished locking up the house. 

"Again, Ava?" Lilith sighed. 

Ava looked up and grinned. 

Camila and Beatrice were both looking at something on Camila's phone, no doubt to do with the drive they were about to start while Lilith lingered nearby watching Ava with a mild exasperation.

Ava knew it was entirely for show, so she didn't mind. She was happy to indulge. 

"Well yeah. I want to remember the places we've been together, all of our temporary homes. It's like a map of our lives." 

Beatrice glanced over at her and offered a small smile. 

"I suppose you'll want me to take it then?" 

"You do have the longest arms." 

"Come on then." Mary said, walking over to join them. "The sooner we get on the road the better." 

Ava silently handed Lilith the camera as Camila slipped her phone away, there was a familiarity now as they all fell into their positions.

Lilith took the end while Camila slipped between her and Ava, sliding an arm around each of their waists. 

Instead of moving next to her, Beatrice opted to fit herself against Ava's back, arms looping loosely around Ava's stomach as she rested her chin on Ava's shoulder. 

"Hey." Ava greeted.

Beatrice pressed a quick kiss under Ava's ear. "Hi." 

Mary came to join Ava's other side, and while she didn't place her hand on Ava, she felt Beatrice briefly lean harder against her and could only assume that Mary had put her hand on Beatrice's back. 

"Are you all ready?" Lilith asked. And before anybody could reply, raised the camera up. "Smile then." 

Nobody teased her this time. The photo was taken quickly and it, along with the camera, was soon pushed back into Ava's hands. 

The group all broke away to head towards the van until only Ava and Beatrice remained. 

"So tell me more about where we're heading to?" Ava asked, leaning back into Beatrice's embrace. 

"Blackpool, I think you'll enjoy it. It's known for its amusement Park." 

"Hm, you really do know me." 

"I try." 

Ava turned in Beatrice's arms to smile at her. "And you more than succeed." 

She stole a quick kiss and drew back. 

"Time to go?" Ava asked. 

"I'm not saying Mary would leave us if we don't get a move on, but yes." 

Ava reached for Beatrice's hand and began to walk backwards towards the van. 

"Let's not keep them waiting then." 

\--

"Of all the places we could have chosen, it had to be here?" Beatrice wondered. 

They were in the parking lot of a McDonald's. Beatrice had thrown open the back doors to the van and had seated herself on the edge as she dangled her legs outside. 

The weather didn't seem to know what to do with itself and Beatrice was fully prepared for a day of driving through a lot of patches of rain. 

"McDonald's is always a safe bet." Ava said, sliding herself across the floor of the van to lean her back against Beatrice's. "Also breakfast ends in like ten minutes and those hash browns are way too good." 

Beatrice knew that the only reason Mary had stopped had been a combination of being sick of driving, the fact that Lilith needed the bathroom and a powerful double act of puppy dog eyes from both Camila and Ava. 

"Do you want to ride up front with me?" Beatrice asked. 

Ava tipped her head back to softly bump it against Beatrice's. "Not even a question. I'm with you." 

Beatrice smiled. "I know you are." 

She tipped her head back too, even as she could hear the footsteps of their friends approaching. 

"Mary is going to want us to hit the road right away." 

"That's okay, I'll feed you." 

Beatrice hadn't even needed to ask. 

She felt Ava move and drop a brief kiss to the top of her head before hopping out of the van. 

Beatrice watched Ava grab their food from Mary and practically skip around to the passenger seat. 

"You sure you want to drive?" Mary asked even as she threw the keys to Beatrice. 

"I'm good, don't worry." Beatrice got up and stretched. "Where are we stopping tonight?" 

"Depends on how far we get, there's plenty of options though so don't worry about that. You just focus on making sure she doesn't put any stupid music on." 

"That's out of my control, shotgun controls the radio." 

Mary rolled her eyes as she passed and hopped into the back. "You're so whipped." 

Not exactly the way that Beatrice would put it, but if the fact that she would do anything to make Ava happy meant that she was whipped? 

Then sure, she'd accept it. 

"You say that as if we haven't mutually planned to take Ava to Blackpool just to make her happy." Beatrice pointed out. "So you're… Platonically whipped." 

"That was a terrible comeback." 

"It's still early." Beatrice shrugged. 

She walked over to the van and climbed behind the wheel, accepting the coffee Ava was already holding out to her. 

"Do you want McMuffin or hash brown first?" 

"Hash brown, please." 

"Music?" 

"It's your choice." 

Mary groaned quietly behind them. 

"DJ Ava is in the van." Ava cheered quietly. 

\--

Ava kind of loved souvenir stands. 

She loved the dumb novelty of things that she'd never use. 

The fact that there were whole shops full of dumb shit? Amazing. 

"There's a whole amusement park out there and you'd rather be in here?" Lilith asked. 

"Both are good." Ava paused to admire a wall of fridge magnets. 

"We have no use for them." Lilith physically dragged Ava away. 

"We have time for both. Souvenirs and rides." Ava pulled a pair of sunglasses off the stand and put them on before she turned to grin at Lilith. "How do I look?" 

"Like an idiot who is wearing sunglasses indoors while it's raining." 

"It's got to be sunny sometimes." Ava shrugged. She pulled them off. "I want something for Bea." 

The girl in question was somewhere else in the store, having spotted a small section of books. 

Ava had no idea where Mary and Camila had gotten off to, but she figured they were somewhere nearby. 

Lilith sighed heavily and dragged Ava over to another stand this one full of jewellery. 

Tacky mood rings, cord necklaces and woven bracelets, all of varying colours. 

"If you insist on buying something for her, then buy something that she can keep."

Ava eyed the stand for several long moments, taking in all of the bright colours. 

Oh. 

What was Beatrice's favourite colour? 

What was her favourite _anything?_

Ava knew her favourite Christmas movie. Her favourite play. 

She knew Beatrice's likes and dislikes but favourites? 

Ava needed to change that. 

She cast her gaze over the stand, her gaze falling on a bracelet, a vibrant purple interwoven with dark blue. 

Huh. 

Yeah, that was it. 

"This one." Ava picked it up. 

"Do you have money?" 

"Mary already gave me some." Ava said. 

She felt like a kid getting her allowance but hey, it was better than asking her girlfriend for the money to buy her a gift. 

"Go buy your gifts, if you want to go on any of those rides we might only get a small window between the rain." 

Truthfully, Ava wasn't even that bothered about whether she got to go on rides or not. She was just happy to be experiencing things and seeing new sights. 

Ava made her way to the counter and paid for her items while Lilith lingered behind her. 

Together they searched the store for Beatrice, eventually finding her exactly where Ava thought she would be, leaning against a wall, flicking through a book on the history of the town.

She eyed the sunglasses on Ava's head. "All done?" 

"Yep." 

"I'm done babysitting." Lilith said. "She's your responsibility again." 

"I'm literally standing right here." Ava protested. "You love it when we hang out don't even lie." 

"Where's Camila and Mary?" Lilith asked, very easily dodging Ava's comment. 

Beatrice set the book down on the shelf. "Checking for vacancies in some of the b&b's. We made some good distance today so we might as well stay put." 

Lilith's phone rang, she gave it a brief glance. "It's Cam." 

As she walked away to answer it, Ava took the opportunity to drift closer to Beatrice. 

"Hey." 

"Hi." 

"So I brought you something." 

Beatrice raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" 

Ava bounced on the spot. "Close your eyes?" 

Beatrice smiled at her excitement and closed her eyes. Ava reached for her hand, taking a moment to admire it as she stroked her thumb along the back of Beatrice's hand.

Ava drew it closer to her and slipped the bracelet on, adjusting it so that it fit snugly around her wrist. 

"Okay, open." 

Beatrice opened her eyes and smiled at Ava again before looking down at her wrist, the smile only grew as she rolled her hand to study it. 

"I know it's not much but-" 

"Ava," Beatrice interrupted softly, curling her fingers around Ava's hand and gently pulled her closer. "Don't do that, it's beautiful and I love it and I love the thought that went behind you giving this to me." 

She lifted their hands to press a kiss to the back of Ava's hand. 

"You know I need to find you a gift now." Beatrice pointed out. 

"Nah." Ava stepped closer. "Gifts don't need to be repaid. Besides, you're all the gift that I need." 

"I feel like you have a little book just for all those lines." Beatrice laughed. 

"Nope, all in here." Ava tapped her temple. 

Beatrice brushed their lips together. "I'm still going to get you something." 

"I'd honestly just take a hug." 

"You can have them whenever you want." Beatrice said, dropping Ava's hand to wrap her arms around Ava. 

Ava grinned as she melted into Beatrice's hug and tucked her head against her shoulder. 

"So they've got a place for us." Lilith said, stepping back into the store. "We should go meet them." 

"Gimme like, thirty more seconds." Ava replied. She nuzzled into Beatrice's hug for a little while longer. 

She could imagine Lilith rolling her eyes. 

"Okay, done now." Ava drew back. She grinned at Beatrice and kissed her quickly. "Let's go." 

It was a short walk as Ava followed Lilith to the B&B they had been directed to, Beatrice kept pace beside her, holding her hand gently the entire way. 

When they finally got into the building, the first thing Ava noticed was how small and cosy it felt, it was so different from the few motels that they had spent the nights in before making the journey over the channel.

"So, small problem." Mary said instead of a greeting. 

Oh boy. 

"They only had two rooms available, both are king beds." Mary held up one of the keys. 

Ava snorted at the look on Lilith's face before she could stop herself and grabbed the key from Mary's hand. 

One bed for Mary, Lilith and Camila? 

Oh to be a fly on that wall. 

"Don't worry Lilith, I have it on very good authority that cuddling is good for the soul." Ava laughed. 

The look on Lilith's face was only vaguely murderous. 

Mary's expression was very similar. 

Honestly it was only Camila who didn't look all that bothered by it. A quick glance at Beatrice showed that she definitely looked somewhat amused by the whole thing too. 

She tugged on Ava's hand. "We're going to go put our stuff in our room." 

Beatrice was definitely removing Ava from the scene before she said something to warrant violence from two of their friends. 

\--

The room was… Cosy. 

Camila took in the bed and the small chair in the corner of the room. 

Okay. It was tiny. 

It was so tiny. 

The bed was pretty big though. 

"I'm just going to sleep in the van." Mary said. 

"I'm sure I can sleep in the bathtub." Lilith added. 

As they both turned away, Camila grabbed their arms to keep them in place. 

"What am I, poisonous?" She asked. "That bed is big enough for us all." 

Honestly, a van? A bathtub? Did the bathroom even have a tub? 

"I like my personal space." Lilith protested quietly. 

"Then we top and tail. You'll be fine." Camila rolled her eyes. "We're all adults here." 

"I don't do cuddling." Mary said. 

"Good for you." Camila replied. "I'll take the middle." 

Children. Honestly. 

Emotionally repressed children. 

How she loved them. 

\--

Ava had taken so many pictures. 

The rain had been so intermittent all day but it had finally eased off long enough for them to all watch the sunset from the beach. 

Beatrice and Camila had indulged her enough to go on a few rides with her, even Mary and Lilith had joined in on a couple. 

She'd used an entire packet of film on capturing moments and her phone had so many new photos on it. 

It had been a good day. 

Mary and Lilith had left to go get dinner, Mary had declared that if they were going to spend the night at the seaside then a fish and chips dinner was a must. Beatrice had gone with them, though Ava suspected that she had set off on her own little quest of buying some kind of gift. 

Ava maintained that she didn't need a gift, but she had to admit she was curious as shit about it. 

She also had to admire Beatrice's determination to provide. 

"So what's happening with the bed situation?" Ava asked. 

Camila laughed as she leaned against the railings. "They're both being so weird about it. It's a big bed and it's only for one night." 

"Well, where else do they plan on sleeping?" 

"Mary was going to sleep in the van, Lilith did say the bathtub except -" 

"There is no bathtub." 

"So probably the floor?" 

"That's my guess." 

Ava snorted. "You're more than welcome to sleep with me and Bea if you want, I will have to ask but I don't imagine it'd be a problem? Do you cuddle?" 

"The only times I've slept near other people is when I've had to crash in the van on missions so, no idea." Camila replied. "It'll be fine, Ava. I'm not going to step on your toes, you guys need your couple time."

"You sure? I don't mind some romantic and platonic cuddling." Ava hummed thoughtfully. "Ooh. Cuddle pile." 

This time it was Camila's turn to snort. "Tempting, but I'll pass. If they want to be children and have a bad night's sleep then that's on them." 

"Yeah, fuck them!" Ava agreed, and at the slightly raised eyebrow she received from Camila she hesitated. "Except not fuck them because they are our friends and we love them dearly." 

"Is it nice?" Camila asked, her gaze was focused on the sun making its decent. 

"This? Yeah." 

"I meant the cuddling. You and Bea." 

Ava smiled. "Yeah. I don't know if it's because I spent so long without any touch or if it's because of Bea, hell it's probably both… But it just feels… Good."

Camila looked thoughtful as she rested her chin in her hand. "I like that. It sounds nice."

"It is nice." Ava agreed. 

God, she couldn't wait to get her cuddles in tonight. 

"I might take you up on the offer, one day." 

"Good, cuddles are great." 

"They are." Beatrice agreed, appearing on Ava's other side. "Why are we talking about cuddling?" 

"It would appear that our other two idiots would rather sleep on the floor than share the bed so I'm offering my cuddling services if Cam ever needs it." 

Beatrice nodded slowly and leaned forward to look at Camila. "She is very good at it." 

"It's a shame that cuddling wouldn't save the world." Ava mused aloud. She held her arms out dramatically. "And Ava cuddled Adriel back to hell and thus the world was saved." 

Neither Beatrice or Camila laughed, which honestly didn't surprise Ava. 

She knew she used humour to cope with things, and she knew that while her friends and girlfriend also knew that about her, they were still getting used to that fact. 

"Sorry." Ava smiled at them both and dropped her hands back onto the railing. 

Almost immediately, Beatrice's arm circled her waist and after a few moments she felt Camila's around her shoulder. 

"Don't be." Beatrice said softly. 

"Ava," Camila spoke up. "If love alone could save the world, we'd never have to worry. You have it in endless amounts." 

Ava could only imagine the look on Beatrice's face right now. 

But Ava knew with certainty that she was actively trying not to cry. 

"I think it could." Beatrice spoke up quietly. 

As Ava turned her attention back to her girlfriend, she was met with warmth and comfort. 

"Maybe not quite so literally as your cuddle idea, but we'll only get through this if we do it together." Beatrice continued. 

Ava nodded. "Because we're a family." 

"That's right." 

And the love they all carried for each other would be what kept them strong. 

Ava smiled as she wiped at her eyes before draping her arms over Camila's and Beatrice's shoulders. She turned her head to press a kiss to each of their heads. 

"Oh God, what kind of emotional bullshit are we walking into?" Mary called from behind them. 

Ava looked over her shoulder and saw Mary and Lilith walking towards them, each carrying a plastic bag each, even with the short distance between them, Ava could already smell the greasy goodness of their dinner. 

"We're just talking about how we're going to kill Adriel with love." Ava called back. 

"Oh wonderful." Lilith said. "Can it wait until after we've eaten?" 

"Is this your way of saying you only love us after you've eaten?" Ava asked. "Are you perpetually hangry?" 

Lilith lifted her bag. "This is full of cans of soda. I will throw each and every one at you." 

"We better feed you then, huh?" 

Beatrice and Camila laughed on either side of her. 

She really loved these girls. 

\--

"If you ever speak of this, I will make your life a living hell." Mary said as she lay down. 

"I echo that sentiment." Lilith added as she did the same. 

Camila smiled up at the ceiling as they both settled down on either side of her. 

She loved these two dearly. 

But in the words of Ava, she knew they absolutely full of shit. 

"I'll take your word for it." Camila replied. "I won't even tell Ava if you both decide to cuddle." 

Mary and Lilith both grumbled and Camila could only laugh under her breath. 

\--

"I meant what I said." Beatrice said gently as she brushed her forehead along Ava's cheek to drop a kiss on her lips. 

Ava smiled up at her but didn't say anything. 

"We are together in this." Beatrice continued. "All of us." 

Ava looked so peaceful, so serene in the low light beneath her.

So happy and dare she say… 

In love. 

Beatrice knew that same look was reflected in her own expression. 

Ava reached up to brush her thumb along Beatrice's lips. "Because we're a family." 

"We are." Beatrice agreed. "You, me, Mary, Lilith and Camila. We're a family." 

"I like having a family." Ava replied. "I like you being my family." 

"The feeling is mutual. You are my family, Ava, and I'm never going to leave you." 

It was an echo of what she had promised all that time ago back in ArqTech. 

She knew that the others wouldn't leave Ava either, but now? Now it was so important that Ava knew that she meant it singularly. That she meant it when she said that she would never leave. 

Because how could she?

When it came to Ava, she wanted it all. 

"Good, because I…" Ava hesitated. She moved her thumb along Beatrice's face and cupped her cheek. "I have so many plans." 

"Plans?" 

Ava hummed as she gave Beatrice that sleepy smile. "You and me, tiny apartment somewhere, learning to cook, travelling a lot and seeing the world." 

"You want to travel?" Beatrice leaned in for another kiss. 

"I've developed a taste for living in a shitty van with my family." Ava said. "Does all of this sound too forward?" 

"You know I like it when you're forward." Beatrice replied. 

She kissed Ava again and shifted to lie beside her, Ava immediately rolled onto her side so that they were face to face. 

"Besides, getting to travel with you sounds ideal." 

Ava's whole idea of a future together sounded ideal. 

"Hm, good." 

"I brought you a gift, you know." 

Ava closed her eyes for a few moments as she smiled. "I knew it didn't take three people to buy fish and chips." 

"I fear that it might be too much of a novelty to give you after this conversation." 

Ava laughed gently. "Nah. What did you say to me earlier? About the thought going into it." 

"Valid point, but you can have it first thing tomorrow, okay? I can practically see your brain going into standby." 

"That's fair." Ava shuffled closer. "Cuddles though, please." 

Now that, she could do. 

\--

Ava stretched out happily on the bed. Her stomach may be rumbling but she was in no rush to move. 

"I wonder how the others slept." 

Beatrice looked over from their bags as she shrugged her hoodie on. 

It still made her heart flutter every time she saw Beatrice wear it. 

"You'll be lucky if any of them say anything." Beatrice said.

She walked over to the bed and perched herself in front of it, crossing her legs as she fidgeted with a small navy pouch in her hands. 

Ava sat up and smiled. 

She still felt like she was on cloud nine after their half sleepy talk last night. 

Beatrice was her family and she wanted to travel with her. She wanted that future with her. 

"Here." Beatrice held out the pouch. 

Ava made sure to let their fingers brush as she accepted it. 

She opened the pouch slowly and reached in, her fingers closed around a chain and pulled it out. 

Ava knew it was a necklace, but the moment she saw the pendant Ava couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice. 

"Oh my God! Bea!" 

A gold duck stared back at her. 

"Oh my God I love him." Ava threw herself forward into Beatrice's arms who caught her and managed to stay steady. 

"I thought you'd like it." Beatrice said. 

"I really do." 

"Do you want me to put it on?" 

"Yeah, definitely." Ava pulled back and placed the necklace into Beatrice's hand. 

She turned around and closed her eyes as she felt Beatrice brush her hair over one shoulder. 

Beatrice pressed her fingers to the back of Ava's neck and traced her fingers down. 

The chain slid around her neck and Ava knew that Beatrice was taking her time in fastening the clasp in place. 

So it definitely wasn't a surprise when Beatrice's lips replaced her fingers. 

"There." Beatrice whispered. "Perfect." 

Ava leaned backwards against her chest and closed her eyes. 

"Yeah, this is perfect." 

There was a loud knock at the door that effectively pulled them from the moment. 

"Come on you two, breakfast then we're leaving!" Lilith called through the door. 

"Someone is hangry." Ava said. 

"Is that your new word of the week?" Beatrice asked. 

"Yep." 

Beatrice kissed the back of her neck. 

It was still perfect. 

\--

"So there was absolutely zero cuddling?" Ava asked. 

Beatrice watched as Mary threw an arm over her eyes. 

Up front Lilith turned the radio up while Camila drove. 

Beatrice glanced over at Ava. 

She was having far too much fun with this. 

"There was no cuddling, now please leave me to nap in peace? We still have a ways to go." 

They'd already been driving for a few hours with only a couple of stops for coffee along the way. 

"I'm just wondering, I mean those beds were a good size but with three people in? That had to of been cosy." 

Mary lifted her arm enough to shoot Beatrice a long look. 

"Shut her up or I'm throwing her out of the van." 

"And to think you almost brought her coffee this morning." Lilith said. 

"I'm literally sat right here!" Ava protested. 

"Okay…" Beatrice reached for Ava. "Enough of the teasing for now. All of you." 

Ava was still pouting even as she settled against Beatrice's side. 

"Wanna see the pictures I took yesterday?" Ava asked. 

"Of course I do." 

\--

Lilith watched Camila glanced into the rear view mirror. 

"They're all asleep." 

Lilith looked over to look into the back of the van and yeah, Camila was right. 

Mary was still stretched out along one side of the van, across from her Beatrice sat with her back against the wall of the van, head tipped forward with her hood pulled up. Ava was lying with her head in Beatrice's lap.

"They really do make looking cute so effortless." Lilith sighed. 

"They do." Camila agreed. 

Her gaze was focused on the road but she smiled softly regardless. 

"I've always looked up to Beatrice, you know." Camila said softly. "Ever since my first day. I mean you're all brilliant but she was just… The quietly badass golden child, you know?"

"I'm aware." 

"No disrespect to you, Lil. You were always the outwardly scary badass." Camila continued. "You all looked out for me." 

"But you were always closer with Beatrice." 

"We keep talking about being a family but she was the first one I felt that with." Camila drummed her fingers against the steering wheel thoughtfully. "There was a lot about her that I admired. But now? Now it's just her bravery that I focus on." 

"Her bravery?" Lilith asked. 

"To love and let herself be loved, even though it scared her."

Oh this felt heavy. 

"I think it's easier when you know the other reciprocates." Lilith turned to look out the window. "Beatrice and Ava were circling towards each other long before we landed here. It's different when they know its mutual."

"Did they know it was mutual though?" Camila asked. "Or did they both take a chance?" 

Lilith already knew that was exactly what they both did. 

"We should ask them." Lilith said. 

"Yeah." Camila agreed softly. "We should." 

Damn. What would Ava do? 

Lilith froze. 

Oh, she really just thought that, didn't she? 

Who was she? 

Ava could never know. 

With only a mild amount of pain (and that was purely from the lingering Ava thought) she reached over to cover Camila's hand with her own. 

She couldn't deal with looking at the other girl, not that Lilith had to, she could see Camila's smile from the corner of her eye. 

Thank God Ava was asleep. 

\--

Ava yawned as she stepped out of the van, the sunlight was blinding and she immediately wished she hadn't left her sunglasses in her jacket. 

Everyone else had already gotten out and as soon as Ava fell into place beside Beatrice. 

Mary had pulled over just off of the main road, from their spot the ferry port was in clear view. 

The ferries were so much bigger than the one she had been on with JC and definitely not as fancy looking. 

Ava felt herself tense up. 

Shit. 

JC.

It felt like it had been so long since she had thought about him. 

It would be seeing a fucking boat that'd bring it all back. 

"So what time do we leave?" Lilith asked. 

"Leaves at four in the morning." Mary said. 

"Four?" Lilith sounded vaguely incredulous. "That's so early." 

Ava shoved her hands into the pocket of her jeans and dropped her gaze to the floor. 

How much did Beatrice know about that day? 

Did she know that she slept with him? 

"What, you think I control the ferries? Do you see a little captain hat on my head?" 

The bickering felt like white noise. 

Beatrice knew about JC, but had Mary told her that part? 

Oh, she had to tell her. 

Ava didn't like the dread that settled in her chest. She shouldn't be feeling this, not with Beatrice. 

She felt ridiculous, when she had told Beatrice about Sister Frances she hadn't so much as batted an eyelid. 

But this felt so different. 

It shouldn't affect their relationship, not really. 

But what if it did? 

JC had been her first, and that had been important to her. 

But now with everything that had happened, Ava couldn't shake the slightest feeling of doubt and regret. 

She knew that when it did happen, she would be Beatrice's first. 

And they'd been each others firsts for so many things but now Ava was painfully aware that Beatrice wouldn't be her first. 

Oh God, what if Beatrice felt jealous because of this? 

The hand on her arm was enough of a surprise that Ava couldn't stop herself from jumping, from flinching away. 

Her head whipped to the side and was instantly met with an equally surprised look from Beatrice, her hand still hovering where Ava's arm had been a moment earlier. 

"Ava?" 

"Shit. Shit Bea, I'm sorry." Ava replied. 

She moved back into Beatrice's space and after a moment of hesitation, Beatrice rested her hand on Ava's arm again. 

This time, Ava melted into the touch. 

"Are you okay?" Beatrice asked softly. "Where did you go?" 

Beside her, Mary and Lilith still seemed to be bickering amongst themselves, only Camila seemed to be aware of everything going on around her. 

"I'm…" Ava glanced back towards the ferries. "I'm here. I'm okay. Kind of." 

She knew that Beatrice could tell from her quiet tone that she wasn't really all that okay, and after shooting a quick look over her shoulder at their friends, Beatrice moved closer.

"What happened?" She asked in an even quieter voice. 

"I… Not here. Please." Ava replied. 

She couldn't do this here, not with the others so close. 

She needed time to figure out how to have this conversation. 

"Okay." Beatrice nodded. She slid her hand down to link her fingers through Ava's. "Are you with me?" 

Ava closed her eyes and shifted to press her forehead against Beatrice's shoulder. 

"I'm with you." 

She felt Beatrice nod again. "Okay." 

For a few moments Ava just let herself focus on Beatrice beside her, to ground herself in that feeling. 

"We can't change what time we leave." Beatrice spoke up, louder and clearer so that the others knew they were being addressed. "All we can do now is wait. Mary, I assume you have somewhere ready for us to stay?" 

The others fell silent, the bickering coming to a sudden end. 

"Yeah, it's only a couple miles away." She said. "I'll drive." 

Beatrice squeezed Ava's hand again. 

She wasn't sure how ready she felt about this. 

\--

Beatrice followed Ava into their room, watching as she dropped her bag to the floor. As Beatrice closed the door behind her she picked up the bag out of habit. 

Ava threw herself onto the bed, bouncing awkwardly as she hit the mattress. 

"Shit, that is solid." She complained as she rolled onto her back. 

Beatrice stepped closer and pressed her hand into the mattress. "It's memory foam." 

"Oh yeah, it's definitely going to remember that." 

Beatrice smiled indulgently as she took the bags over to the corner of the room. 

The room was simple enough with a double bed and a desk and chair against one wall, a cursory glance showed a decent enough bathroom. 

But it wasn't the room that Beatrice was paying attention to. 

No, Ava, as usual, had that honour. 

It had been odd, the moment by the docks. 

Without even looking at her, Beatrice had almost sensed the shift in Ava's mood. 

When she had looked at her though, Beatrice had only seen nervousness and even some fear, lingering beneath the surface. 

Beatrice didn't like seeing that fear. 

She didn't know what could have caused it. 

Ava wasn't afraid of boats, Beatrice knew that she had been on one before, the day that Lilith had been dragged to hell. 

But it couldn't be that either. Ava and Lilith had talked, they'd processed and Ava had let go of the guilt she had felt for that. 

Beatrice watched Ava roll off of the bed and walk over to the window to look through it. 

That nervous energy was so present but Beatrice knew what to do. 

She had to be patient. Just to give her a few minutes. 

When Ava felt safe, she'd speak. 

Beatrice took her jacket off and draped it over the back of the chair before sitting herself down in it. 

"A lot happened, the last time I was on one of those." Ava began. 

She pulled off her hoody and dropped it on the foot of the bed. 

The look the shot Beatrice was fleeting, that nervousness hadn't eased. 

Ava walked back over to the bed and sat down, she crossed her legs and rested her elbows so that she could hide her face on her hands. 

For a moment it was all silent. 

"Fuck." Ava whispered. She drag her hands down her face and when she dropped hands she met Beatrice's gaze. "On the ferry, I… I had sex, with JC." 

Ava looked scared. 

She actually looked scared about admitting it. 

"Okay." Beatrice replied softly. 

"I'm sorry." 

What? 

"Why?" Beatrice asked. "You have nothing to be sorry for." 

Ava drew her knees up to her chest and looked imploringly at Beatrice. 

"How are you being so calm about this?" 

"Why wouldn't I be calm?" 

"Because I slept with him, because he… He was my first." Ava looked away. "We've had so many firsts together and now…" 

Oh, this was so important to her. It was so clear just how much Ava was worried about this, about how Beatrice would react. 

Ava started to fidget.

"Ava." Beatrice called softly and waited until she looked up once more. When she did, Beatrice held out her hand. "Do you want to come here?" 

Ava nodded. She got off of the bed and closed the distance. Instead of taking her hand, Ava instead opted for settling down sideways in Beatrice's lap. 

The way Ava curled herself into Beatrice felt intimate in a way they hadn't experienced before, lifting her feet to rest her heels against the edge of the chair. 

Her head came to rest against her shoulder. 

She wrapped an arm around Ava's shoulders and brought the other to stroke through her hair. 

"Ava, I can tell that you're nervous, scared even." Beatrice began carefully, she felt tuned into every breath, every movement from the girl in her arms. "And I think that you're feeling that way because of me, because of how you think I'd react to this."

Ava nodded. 

"I'm not angry, I'm not jealous. Please don't be scared about that. Okay?" 

"Are you sad?" Ava whispered. 

"I am sad, a little." Beatrice admitted. "But not because of you and JC, I'm sad because you're feeling sad and I don't want you to feel like that." 

She pressed her lips to Ava's forehead and felt the soft exhale from Ava's lips. 

"I feel like I should regret it, almost." Ava said. "That I shouldn't have done it, that I should have waited." 

"Did you love him?" Beatrice asked. 

Ava was quiet for several moments. She reached up to toy with one of the drawstrings of Beatrice's hoodie. 

"I thought that I did." Ava said. "Maybe I did. But the more that I think about it the more I kind of think that I loved the idea of him." 

Ava tilted her head back enough to meet Beatrice's gaze. There still seemed to be a lot of apprehension there, but she watched as some of it seemed to fade at the comfort Beatrice knew she carried in her own expression.

"JC… He was the first person I met that was kind to me. He represented everything that I wanted, to travel, to be free to be…" Ava swallowed thickly. "Unburdened." 

As Beatrice stroked her hand along her cheek Ava sat up slightly, enough that they were more level. 

"Maybe I did love him." Ava said. 

"Then don't regret sleeping with him." Beatrice replied. "He was important to you, and what you had was also important." 

"But we-" 

"We will still have our firsts, Ava." Beatrice said. "You loved him, so you experienced a first with him and we… We will have that first too." 

There was the clear sign of tears forming in Ava's eyes. 

"We all have a past, Ava. That shouldn't be something you regret. It makes you what you are." Beatrice pressed their foreheads together. "And what you are is beautiful." 

Ava let out a quiet laugh. She reached up to take Beatrice's face in both hands. 

"You… Bea." Ava seemed to give up on words and opted to kiss her instead.

It was warmth, relief, happiness and love. 

"You are my safe place." Ava whispered. "You're a part of me now, and you live right here." 

She took Beatrice's hand and pressed it to her heart. 

"I want to experience every first with you." 

"You will." Beatrice said. "We'll have every first." 

Ava kissed her again for several moments before drawing back and settling back into place against her. 

As the minutes passed between them, Beatrice felt a lot of the tension leave her body, felt Ava finally relax into her. 

"Do you feel better?" Beatrice asked. 

"Yeah." Ava nodded. "Yeah. It won't… It won't happen overnight but this is a start." 

She turned to press her forehead against Beatrice's chest. 

"Thank you, Bea." 

Beatrice rested her chin in Ava's hair. "Of course." 

They fell into silence once more. Beatrice closed her eyes. 

She couldn't explain how she had sensed Ava's mood switch without looking at her when they were at the docks and she couldn't explain how she could feel it now. 

Only that Beatrice knew the moment Ava felt calm. She felt the energy around them shift and settle. 

Maybe they were just so deep in each others veins now this was to be expected. 

Being in love was still so new to her. 

But she lived for every moment of it. 

"Do you want to hear about my first?" 

Ava lifted her head. "You have a first?" 

"I have a first kiss." 

Ava sat up slightly, enough that they could look at each other without craning her neck too much. 

"You do?" 

"His name was Alex. He was in my form…" Beatrice said, and at the brief look of confusion on Ava's face, clarified. "My homeroom." 

"Oh, right." 

"He was my friend. He played piano and was good in classes. He wasn't spectacular, he wasn't a bad boy. He was just… Normal." 

She knew Ava had picked up on where she was going with this and she smiled as Ava took her hands in her own. 

"So when he asked me out, I said yes. And when he kissed me, I kissed back." Beatrice sighed. "I knew I was gay, Ava. I knew I was different but I just… I just couldn't be. I couldn't let myself. I was fourteen. And all of the other girls were kissing boys and that was what I was told was normal. So I tried to be normal." 

Ava took a moment to process that, that love and understanding was back, all of Ava's fears and doubts had faded in place of all of her attention being focused on Beatrice, on the piece of her past that Beatrice had just given to her. 

"It didn't matter in the end though." Beatrice continued. She looked up at the ceiling and felt Ava move to rest her head on her shoulder again. "My parents still knew I was different and they still sent me away and now here I am, eight years later, and I finally get to kiss who I really want to kiss and not feel like I'm not normal." 

Beatrice considered this for a moment. 

"As normal as one can be when they fight demons for a living, anyway." 

Ava laughed, brightly and genuinely against her chest. 

"So that was my first." Beatrice said. "I don't have any others to share, other than the firsts I have with you." 

"Me either." Ava said. "Only JC, and you." 

"I'm afraid that when it comes to that time it may just be some awkward fumbling in the dark." Beatrice said gently. "I truly don't know what I'll be doing." 

"Hey," Ava looked up to meet her gaze. "If and when we -" 

"I think it's safe to omit the 'if', Ava." Beatrice pointed out. 

" _When_ we do that, it shouldn't be in the dark." Ava continued. "You've had to keep your desires and wants in the shadows for so many years. It won't be like that anymore, not with me. Not with us." 

"Never with us." Beatrice agreed softly. 

When it did happen, she wanted to see Ava. 

"Besides, it's not like I have any experience in all that stuff, so the awkward fumbling is definitely going to be mutual." Ava continued. "I can guess the mechanics of it all but… Yeah."

"You've never…" Beatrice trailed off. 

As the silence continued, Ava seemed to come to the conclusion herself. 

Beatrice knew the moment she did. 

Mostly because Ava's head shot up… 

Directly into Beatrice's chin. 

She reeled back a bit. "Fuck!" 

Ava stared at her with wide eyes and scrambled to brush her fingers along Beatrice's chin. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." 

"I'm fine." Beatrice laughed. "That really got your attention." 

"You say that like you didn't have my full attention before." Ava pouted. 

Beatrice brushed her fingers against Ava's lips. "You're cute." 

"And you said fuck." Ava mumbled. "Language." 

"I deserve that." 

Ava dropped a quick kiss to Beatrice's chin and shifted to settle back into place against her side. 

"Masturbated?" Ava guessed, gently bringing their conversation back on track. At Beatrice's nod she laughed softly. "Not really an option pre halo and while it's definitely crossed my mind, more so recently for obvious reasons." 

Beatrice couldn't help but feel somewhat pleased at herself at that. 

"Since the halo I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been on my own so… Yeah." Ava turned her head enough to look at Beatrice. "And then well… We happened."

Beatrice knew she must look confused because Ava turned a deeper shade of red and turned to hide her face against Beatrice's chest. 

"I wanted to. I kinda still want to." Ava continued in what Beatrice felt like a rare moment of embarrassment. "But it wouldn't feel right to think about anyone other than you and it wouldn't feel right to do anything while thinking about you. I- Does that make sense?" 

"I think so?" 

"It wouldn't feel right to think about you like that without you knowing. Or… Or without your permission?" 

Beatrice had to stare at Ava for several moments. 

The idea that Ava has thought about it all was distracting enough. 

But the fact that she had gone so far as to consider Beatrice's thoughts and feelings in regards to it all too? 

Oh, Ava was something else entirely.

She stroked her hand through Ava's hair. "You're very chivalrous, you know." 

"I wouldn't call it that." 

"I would." Beatrice said softly. 

She pressed her lips to the crown of Ava's head briefly and turned to rest her cheek against her hair. 

"You have my consent, Ava." Beatrice said. "To think about me." 

She felt Ava tense for a moment before she shifted again, this time slow enough that Beatrice could move her head out of the way. 

Ava met her gaze head on, the blush was still there, her pupils were blown, but her expression was serious. 

"Even my best memories of you don't compare to who you are. I want you to be there when it happens." 

Oh shit. 

Beatrice watched Ava swallow, traced the lines of her throat. 

Ava truly represented every aspect of temptation. The want and desire that she felt deep in her chest. 

The urge to push a little further. 

To be a little daring. 

To be brave. 

She brushed her thumb across Ava's bottom lip. "I'm here now."

That flush started to spread down Ava's neck and as she shifted and closed her lips around Beatrice thumb, Beatrice knew she was lost. 

Beatrice drew her thumb back and watched Ava carefully. 

They were on the edge of something and they both knew it. 

"You are." Ava replied, her voice so quiet and uncertain that it threw Beatrice for a moment. "Bea…" 

"Do you want to?" Beatrice asked. "I don't want to feel like I've backed you into something with this." 

Ava drew back and shifted, adjusting her weight until she was straddling Beatrice, knees resting firmly in either side of Beatrice's thighs. 

She cupped Beatrice's face in her hands and leaned in close. 

"I told you before Bea. I'm yours to take, if you want it." 

Beatrice nodded, her voice wasn't working. 

"I want it. I want anything you'll give me." She tentatively rested her hands on Ava's waist. "I want you to show me." 

Ava let out a tiny whimper as she nodded. "Okay." 

As Ava reached down to curl her fingers around her shirt, hesitating for a moment before pulling it over her head and dropping it to the floor. 

Beatrice had to smile at that tiny golden duck against her chest. 

She was wearing a simple black bra and Beatrice could only sit back and stare. 

"Do you want me to take my bra off?" Ava agreed. 

"No, not if you don't want to." 

Ava nodded and reached down to unbutton her jeans, she drew the zipper down enough to see a matching pair of black briefs. 

She looked a little lost as she looked at Beatrice. "I… Okay, should I take these off?" 

Beatrice considered it for a moment, she could have Ava naked and in her lap in a few moments. 

There were so few lines left to cross. 

But those should be lines they crossed together. 

"Leave them on." Beatrice said. "Next time…" 

She trailed off and Ava nodded. She understood. 

She always understood. 

Ava leaned in to kiss her slowly, opening her mouth in a silent request that had Beatrice sliding her tongue inside. 

Even as her thoughts were pulled away by the feeling of Ava grinding down into her, Beatrice had enough awareness to know that Ava had reached around to unclasp her bra. 

Their kisses continued even as she felt Ava continue to move, even as she heard the sound of the bra hitting the floor. 

"I won't touch you." Beatrice said in between their increasingly desperate kisses. "This isn't about me and I don't want to overstep." 

Ava smiled against her lips and took Beatrice's hands in her own before bringing them up to rest on her waist once more. 

"Sometimes… Sometimes things can be about you." Ava kissed her again, softer this time before she drew back. "And this is for you, Bea. This is for us both." 

"Will you show me?" Beatrice asked. "Will you show me what you want me to do to you?" 

That was all Ava needed to hear to slide her right hand down and Beatrice was unable to stop herself from watching as that hand slipped into her underwear. 

Her attention was soon brought back as she saw Ava bring her other hand up, tentatively cupping her own breast. 

Beatrice was lost. 

And it took so much of her focus to not dig her fingers into Ava's waist. 

As Ava began to rock gently in Beatrice's lap, as she began to touch herself, Ava's eyes fell closed. The choked whimpers followed soon after. 

"You don't have to be quiet." Beatrice said, her own voice barely above a whisper. "It's just us." 

Beatrice just really _really_ hoped that the others hadn't gotten the room next door. 

The flicker of the halo felt inevitable, almost and without something behind her, its light flowed freely, basking Ava in a sporadic golden silhouette. 

Ava seemed to find a rhythm and started to move against Beatrice with abandon, the whimpers grew louder as she rubbed her fingers across her nipple in circular motions.

The flush had spread to her chest by now and it seemed to take a conscious effort for Ava to open her eyes. 

Whatever she saw in Beatrice's eyes only made those whimpers turn into a moan. 

It was glorious. 

Never in Beatrice's wildest dreams did she imagine this. 

Who could imagine, no, who could be blessed enough to experience this? 

Ava, touching herself in Beatrice's lap, eyes so full of lust that it made every synapse in Beatrice's body light up. 

She may not have the halo, but she felt like she was glowing too. 

Without being able to see Ava's hand work, Beatrice could only draw her own conclusions as to what Ava was doing with her hand. 

But Beatrice did see the way Ava shifted slightly, sliding her hand lower as she lifted her hips up off Beatrice for a moment, holding her gaze as she slowly lowered herself back down. 

The gasp that left Ava's mouth got caught in her throat. 

_Oh._

She was inside. 

Beatrice felt a jolt move down through her body, a moan of her own making itself known as she shifted to try and alleviate some of the pressure desperately building. 

And there was no flowery language, no amount of poetry to put to the one true fact that Beatrice knew of herself in this moment. 

She was turned on. 

And she could feel herself getting wetter with every moment that passed between them. 

And while that may have brought her shame a few months ago, now it only thrilled her. 

There was so much on her mind, so many thoughts of the choices she made, the regrets that held her back for so long. 

She knew it wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't have brought her and Ava together any sooner. 

It may not have brought her to Ava at all. 

But she was here now. 

They both were. 

And Ava was looking at her with so many emotions, so much light that it pushed everything else away. 

It was just them. 

As she continued to roll her hips, Ava's head dropped forward, their foreheads pressed together as she gasped into Beatrice's mouth before kissing her deeply. 

She pulled back to look Beatrice in the eye, her expression was so soft and tentative as she reached up with her free hand to brush her fingers across Beatrice's cheek. 

"Stay with me Bea."

"I'm with you." Beatrice replied. She turned her head to kiss the inside of Ava's wrist and met her gaze again. "Oh Ava, my sweet girl, I'm with you." 

Ava moaned again, a desperate keening sound as her movements stuttered and faltered. 

"I am yours." Ava gasped. She slung her arm around Beatrice's shoulder and held on desperately. "God, Bea I-" 

She broke off, eyes closing again. 

"I'm with you Ava." 

"This feels…" Ava opened her eyes. "It feels good. It feels so good but I just…" 

"Take your time, Ava. It's okay."

"I just keep imagining how this would feel if it was your fingers instead of mine." 

Beatrice moaned again and finally let her fingers dig into the soft flesh of Ava's waist. 

"Bea- Beatrice." Ava drew a sharp breath. "I'm gonna… I'm going to come." 

"Ava-" 

"Say it again." Ava asked. "Please." 

"Which part?" 

"That I'm your girl." 

Beatrice smiled. If that was what Ava wanted, then she knew exactly what to say. 

"My sweet girl." Beatrice rubbed her thumb in circles against Ava's hip. "My beautiful girl… My good girl." 

"Bea -"

The halo flared as Ava froze, bathing them both in a sea of gold. Her mouth dropped open as Beatrice's name faded into a choked cry, and another as she jerked against Beatrice's lap. 

Everything else faded away as she watched Ava ride the high. The way that pleasure radiated from every part of her, the adoration in her eyes as she stared at Beatrice. 

Ava Silva. 

Her angel, drenched in gold. 

As the light faded, and with another small cry, Ava tipped her weight forward to settle against Beatrice, who in return answered by bringing a hand up to Ava's back as Ava buried her face in Beatrice's neck. 

"Shit. I just need a minute." 

"Take as long as you need." Beatrice replied. She continued to stroke her hand along Ava's spine. "Ava, you truly are beautiful." 

She felt Ava smile. "It didn't feel weird?"

"No. Not at all." 

She could feel Ava's racing heartbeat against her chest, the echo of it lingered even as Ava pulled back, still flushed but smiling. 

"Really?" 

Beatrice smiled too. "Really." 

Ava looped both of her arms around Beatrice's neck and shifted closer to press herself closer, resting their foreheads together once more. 

As soft and comforting it was, the fact that Ava's breasts were pressed against her right now was more distracting than anything else. 

"At the risk of sounding too… Vulgar?" Beatrice began quietly as she shifted again. "I'm going to need to change, Ava." 

She saw Ava smile, it was only a little smug. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Ava said. 

"You're very pleased about this." 

"How can I not be?" Ava asked. "Besides, I'm pretty sure that you like knowing the effect that you have on me."

Beatrice cupped Ava's cheek and smiled softly. "I do. I like knowing that you want me, and how much I want you too." 

"God, I like hearing that you want me." Ava whispered. 

Beatrice dropped a kiss to the base of Ava's throat. "God has nothing to do with this." 

"I could stay like this all night." Ava said. "But I'm starting to lose the feeling in my legs but moving… Effort." 

Beatrice slowed the pattern she was drawing into Ava's back. "I can deal with that, if you want?" 

The expression on Ava's face was one of pure intrigue. "I have no idea what you're thinking of doing but now I really want to know." 

Beatrice moved her lips up to graze Ava's jaw and brought her other arm around Ava's lower back, making sure to have a steady hold before getting to her feet. 

"Oh shit." Ava whispered, tightening her hold on Beatrice as she scrambled to tighten her knees on her hips. "I know you're strong but oh my God, Bea." 

Beatrice smiled as she walked them across the room and gently leaning down to ease Ava onto the bed. 

Ava was reluctant to remove her arms, even as she loosened her grip on her legs to lay down properly. 

Beatrice kneeled over her, bracing her hands on either side of Ava's face. "Better?" 

Ava beamed up at her. "Much."

"I'm going to change, do you want clothes?" 

Ava finally released Beatrice's neck. "Is it too forward to ask for underwear?" 

"No." Beatrice laughed. 

"And a shirt, please." 

Beatrice leaned down to kiss her. "Coming right up." 

Beatrice drew back and slid off the bed, she moved over to their bags and rummaged through until she found a shirt and underwear for Ava and after a few moments of consideration pulled out the same for herself and added a pair of sleep shorts for good measure. 

She dropped Ava's clothes down onto the bed and turned so that her back was to Ava. 

As Beatrice walked back over to the small desk she picked up her phone and typed out a quick text as she heard Ava's jeans hit the floor.   
  


_Beatrice  
_ _We're going to take some time, if you're going somewhere for dinner call me later._

She set her phone down and took a deep breath. 

She knew what she wanted to do. 

"Ava?" Beatrice called gently. 

"Yeah?" 

Beatrice took hold of the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off. She heard Ava gasp quietly. 

"You can look." Beatrice said. And with a bit more confidence added, "I want you to look." 

She took her time folding the shirt and set it down beside her phone. 

Beatrice unbuttoned her pants and after a moment of deliberation pushed them down. 

There was nothing for her to be ashamed of. Nothing that she didn't want Ava to see. 

It was just another step for them. 

"Are you watching?" Beatrice asked.

"Yeah… Yes I am." Ava was silent for a few more moments. "God Bea, your back…" 

"What about it?" 

"I want to touch it. When you're ready." 

Even though Ava couldn't see her face, Beatrice still ducked her head to hide her smile. 

"One day you will." Beatrice promised. "One day soon." 

And at the rate they were moving? 

It would be sooner than either of them thought. 

She took off her underwear and heard Ava draw in another sharp breath. 

This was a different intensity than what Ava had done. 

Beatrice knew that while they were always on the same page in terms of their relationship, but at the same time they were both at such different places in terms of their own personal growth. 

They were still taking their time. And every choice they made to peel back the layers, to understand everything about them. 

And for Beatrice, that layer meant standing naked in a half decent hotel room while the girl of her dreams watched from the bed. 

"Beatrice…"

Beatrice didn't move, but she did turn her head enough to look over her shoulder. 

Ava hadn't moved off of the bed, but she had shuffled further down, the shirt Beatrice had given her had slipped off of one of her shoulders. 

The adoration in her eyes burned so clearly that it left a reassuring warmth in her chest. 

"Yes?" 

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." 

The words were never without conviction, and Beatrice knew that Ava meant it. 

And she believed her. 

Beatrice offered her a smile and turned her attention back to getting changed, pulling on the shorts and t-shirt before walking back towards the bed. 

Ava lay back down as Beatrice fitted herself against her, sliding a leg between Ava's as she wrapped her arms around her.

And oh, their bare legs together was something new and nice entirely. 

Beatrice pressed her face into Ava's neck. "So, travelling in a van?" 

She knew Ava was smiling. "I mean you'd be doing all the driving, unless you'd want to teach me, but yeah. You can even choose the colour." 

Ava was quiet for a few moments. 

"What is your favourite colour?" 

Beatrice closed her eyes. "Purple." 

"Nice. One of those old volkswagen vans then, but purple." 

"You know those break down ridiculously easy, right?" 

"Then we'll learn to fix it. I think I'd look hot in like, a pair of overalls." 

"Yeah, you would." Beatrice agreed. Her gaze caught the bracelet on her wrist. "What's your favourite colour?" 

"Blue."

Beatrice smiled at the woven purple setting blue threads

They were Interconnected. Always. 

Tomorrow they will get on the ferry. 

From there, Beatrice didn't know what was going to come next, she only knew that as long as she had Ava and the rest of her family by her side, she knew they'd figure it all out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (;  
> Spicy? 
> 
> as always, you can find me [here](https://yashastrongarms.tumblr.com/)  
> Also i'm on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/RogueThirteen94)


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